Eurovision Preview

The great Eurovision handicap is almost upon us... here are my initial thoughts about each of the entries (in no particular order, except alphabetical):

Albania - Disco. Better now in English, and losing the Victoria Wood haircut (though there's nothing particularly wrong with that in context) - video is stupid, but I suspect the staging could make this very good... 9/10.

Armenia - Pop. Bit blah - songs about fruit and nationalism don't always go down well, video involves over-excitable fat-bloke. It will no doubt track the Armenia success story and make the top ten... 2/10.

Azerbaijan - Power Ballad/Pop. Probably one of the better entries. Azerbaijan seems keen to host a Eurovision event (after the Dance Contest was canned) and going all out this year with a very strong entry... could do with a little bit better staging, but will probably at the sharp end of the scoreboard... 9/10.

Belarus - Ballad. The child in the video will not be allowed on stage, talented lighting director that he is - no I jest - pianist. Seems to be want to be an anthem, but never quite gets there... bit six4one, might pick up some points... 5/10.

Belgium - Busking. Once you get past the ridiculous accent and lyrics, it's a pretty little song which does build. Not sure it'll be stand-out enough to do anything for Belgium, which is a shame - they'll deserve to do better with this... 7/10.

Bosnia & Herzegovina - Pop/Rock. What a very serious song from the Balkans that doesn't seem to go anywhere. Sure it'll probably meander through to the final thanks to the neighbours... 3/10.

Bulgaria - Pop. No stilts, no fun. 3/10.

Croatia - Pop Ballad. Every one's favourite suppository group enters for Croatia with a better sounding song than 2005, and they don't urge you to call them... although sung in Mr Jonathan Foreigner's language I couldn't be entirely sure that's true. Builds quite quickly and supports strong voices. I'll wait for the live performance before getting too excited... 6/10.

Cyprus - Pop. Singing about spring in May is starting to push it, even for Europe... a mistake some countries have made before. This is, given that, surprisingly good though, and may do well (12 points from Greece)... 6/10.

Denmark - Pop. The Police should probably sue. However this should be right up there with the rest of the Scandinavian crowd, even singing into the teeth of a fierce gale, and must be a very strong contender for the title. Might be held back by the "Andy Abraham" factor... I hope not. 9.5/10.

Estonia - Alternative. Quirky, I love it. Estonia are really bringing some interesting songs to the Eurovision recently... might not win but improves the field, which is commendable. 8/10.

Finland - Folk. This will not be in with the rest of the Scandinavian crowd. It seems too desperate to rip-off last years winner, but doesn't really understand what it's doing. 1/10.

France - Shit Pop/Dance. I'm not sure which drunk Frenchman picked this abomination, but the constant "whoop, hmm, whoop, whoop, whoop, hmm, whoop" being the face of the lyrics are laughable, even for the French language. Deserves the stage to collapse during the performance... -10/10.

Georgia - Ballad. So they want to hold it in Moscow next year? Pretty little song, not sure it's the best of the ballads though... 4/10.

Germany - Unsure. Wahey, we've found the bottom of the final scoreboard. She's doing her hair, and underwear for us... but she won't go any further. Nor will the scores. 0/10.

Greece - Ringtone. Ugh, really, ugh. 1/10.

Iceland - Pop. According to Iceland this is sung in French! It's an interesting performance, but I'm not sure I'd want to see her special "something"... good pop song though, should be up with there with the Scandi crowd... 8/10.

Ireland - Ballad. I do love Ireland, they have many of my all-time Eurovision favourites - and this is no exception, Niamh is a safe pair of hands and a voice to match the soaring lyrics. I'm a sucker for this stuff, but I really hope this goes top five... 9.5/10.

Israel - Ballad. Unusual, but not unlikeable - I need to see the final performance as much can be changed, but it sounds pretty good and heartfelt... 8/10.

Latvia - Pop. Very simple, very crap too... 1/10.

Lithuania - Pop. Kazoo in the Eurovision? No. 1/10.

FYR Macedonia - Who Knows? Macedonia can occasionally be right "out there" - and once again achieves it in 2010. The song isn't unpleasant until the rapping, neither is the singing or presentation - but you're left scratching your head. Not entirely sure this will do well... 2/10.

Malta - Pop Ballad. Blah even by Malta's standard. Can't see this making the final, 4/10.

Moldova - Pop/Dance. A million times better than the French entry - could do well, very hard to tell when you get a very different style of Eurovision song. Based on Iceland 2008 this should be top 15. 7/10.

Netherlands - Toilet Break. If the Netherlands ever wanted to demonstrate they had stepped out of the 1970s, or dropped the Smurfs as their strongest musical influence - then they might have misread the script. This is the utter pits and thoroughly deserves 0 points. 0/10.

Norway - Ballad. A winner with the potential of a double? It's possible, strong ballad, and a good singer. Will need to nail the performance in the final, and should it win - well ner-ner-de-ner-ner to all those idiots (aka Chris) who voted for Scooch, as this is a complete rip-off of Cyndi... 9.5/10.

Poland - Folk/Pop. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. 4/10.

Portugal - Portugal. I admire Portugal - they have sent the by far the most bonkers entries in the last 30 years, always seemingly at least sixty-steps away from the rest of European "culture", but not afraid to do their own thing - and for the last couple of years it has produced good results - but this is just bland by their own standards. Where are the rocket launchers? Exploding pianos? Marauding Vikings? Dancing Hitlers? Its just a song... 5/10.

Romania - Pop. Stepping back towards the "banging" Romania entries of the early/mid 00s with a bit more generic pop song, interesting. Beyond the novelty of the silly pianos, can't see this hitting the final. 4/10.

Russia - Football chant. Underlining the expense of hosting the 2009 contest is this entry... 0/10.

Serbia - Hairdressing. Underlining the expense of hosting the 2008 contest is this entry... 0/10.

Slovakia - Ethno-Pop. Interesting entry from Slovakia - could well climb the rankings and be a surprise... 6/10.

Slovenia - Hard to pin down. Most countries stopped sending songs like this in 1997... 0/10.

Spain - Pop. I really don't get this, many people I speak to seem to think it's the winner - perhaps it's a bit too French for me... 3/10.

Sweden - Pop Ballad. Certainly one of the top of the ballad contenders, and will be up their with the Scandi crowd. Might be top 5, I'd certainly hope it is. Lyrics are actually good, song is powerful, singing is good... was by the far best entry in Melodifestivalen. I'll chance my arm by my occasional "sit up and listen" moments, which I did straight away with Serbia in 2007 - and say the same of this... good contender for the win... 10/10.

Switzerland - Pop. I also love Switzerland; Paolo Meneguzzi performed a fantastic song (sadly let down by a poor performance). But this just doesn't seem quite as complete, more pop - sure, just not quite my thing... 6/10.

Turkey - Pop. I'm half convinced Turkey could turn up and take a shit on the stage, and guarantee 12 points from Germany and the United Kingdom... and this year we seem to be edging towards completing my convictions.... 1/10.

Ukraine - Whiny Rubbish. Third time "lucky" for the Ukraine. No, that's right, it took them just three attempts to come up with this! They'd have been better off staying at home and shooting pigeons... 0/10.

United Kingdom - Err. Ok - disclosure time, I know a few people involved in the UK effort, and they have done a good job themselves... so lets start with the good points, he can sing live, and he is quite good looking. Ermm, and that's where it sadly ends in my opinion. I wish Josh well, but I'd be surprised if this hit the top ten... 3/10.